Man Pretty rule #7 Never confuse a rebound with love

I like Enya find her voice soothing and calm, have no idea what she looks like don’t think I ever want too, if she’s ugly or a man it will ruin it all for me.
I like to distract my self with cookies and sometimes by doing the dishes, makes me feel like I am being product with my time.

Wanted to start by thanking global warming, haven’t worn a jacket yet or shovelled my driveway and its now December. Lets keep those SUV’s on the roads, idle our cars a little longer and burn a few more tons of coal, hopefully it be like this till February.

I’m going to go deep here maybe even try to be profound. Keep both eyes on the road kids and hands on the wheels this might be a bumpy road!
Gentleman and Ladies too (since you’re the only ones reading this) its time for another blog about love life and the way that we live it!!!
Time to set the record straight since there are a few confused, the first one you fornicate with after a long relationship is a rebound not love. Oh snap!!! I said it, the ugly truth that some of you are trying not to roll over and see, the pink elephant in the room or better yet the reality with out TV.

A story to paint a picture… just for you!

I love cookies if you were not aware, find them delectable, delicious and another word that starts with D that means good in my belly. However one day I realised cookies were no longer good for me, we were just going through the motions. I opened the bag eat a row or two and then…well then nothing I got board and they got stale.
So I left cookies and went on my own, one day while minding my business I discovered Ice Cream Sandwiches, they where scrumptious and something my tongue was so unused to.
So I had one that lead to three and before you knew it… I loved it baby. I was ready for Ice Cream Sandwiches to come and take over my world. Until one day in the middle of a brain freeze I realised, this affair with Ice Cream Sandwiches was about replacing cookies and not what was best for me.

NO, because what was best for me was taking time away from sweets all together (approximately half the time I spent with cookies) and allowing my pallet to grow. It was about discovering who I really was and what I had learned from cookies. Ice Cream Sandwiches where good to me and made me feel things I hadn’t in awhile. But at the end of the day I was really just trying to fill a hole that stale cookies left behind.

Look we all rebound, and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact going out there and making a few regrets after a long relationship is perfectly healthy. Helps you regain you confidence and get back into the dance of life. I am not saying to not enjoy your new found company (rebound) I’m just saying sometimes we are so pre-occupied with filling a hole we don’t pay attention to what we are filling it with.

The Man Pretty Man knows it only hurts till you knock boots with a few to make you forget. Real love however comes when you are ready to fall in love with your self first and learn the lessons of the past.

Man Pretty Rule# 49 how to tell if you are a Douch

If it is true that real men wear pink, then what does that say about a guy who wears purple? Tried to have a talk with myself today, turns out I’m not a very good listener. Thought I might take this one back to the old school, went soft for a few, time to come back and hit it hard... like I just popped a Viagra and washed it down with a Cialis!!!

As the Man Pretty nation grows and the Douchbags continue to attempt to self impregnate their hands a question arises. How do you know if you are Douchbag? Glad you asked, here is a list in none alphabetical order on how to tell if you are a Douchbag:

· You are shirtless in your facebook profile shot
· You confuse over tipping your waitress with flirting
· You wear Ed Hardy
· You go to the bar solo, are the first there, last to leave and go home with your sleeve
· You write on a girl’s walls you have no chance with, “we should go for drinks sometime”
· You have self tanned your self to a confusing brown sugar orange
· You go to a restaurant with your buddies and talk more on your phone than the people you are with
· Your name is Perez Hilton and you confuse being gay, with having the right to pass judgment on others with out ever looking in a mirror. (hack)


Of course there are other forms of Douchbaggeri, these are just a few symptoms that come to mind.

Chances are if you are reading this then you needn’t worry as the Douchbag title does not apply to you. Douchbags also rarely read!

The point is, men we can do better, we can be a little more. We have slacked confusing a blast of MTV reality shows and teen movies with what it means to be a man. Stiffler was cool, but he was also seventeen (at least in the movie). The Man Pretty man holds himself to a higher standard then the Douchbag could ever dream.

Man Pretty rule number #1000

Alone I sit in a room, though full of furniture it is empty. She sells sanctuary but right now all I want is a cookie. Who knows where the roads meet and what we will see along the way. Had a psychic today tell me he prays for me though we had never met. Stop rambling Jeff… I wish I could, in the mumbled words that I don’t say the truth finds its way out.

I don’t have height or the ability to not be sarcastic, I don’t know how to spell (which is difficult being an author) and sometimes I pollute and act insecure. Yet somehow in the fog of my imperfections she finds a way to love me. Though I can be irrational and act more like a child than a 28-year-old male she forgives me.

While the ladies are ahhing and the males are getting sick, allow me to present my latest synopsis for life and the way we live it. No one is perfect, something I had to struggle to get. Ladies he is going to let you down and Gentlemen she will do the same. The key to the imaginary door of love is forgiveness and understanding. It’s the ability to see that person for who they are and what they are not.

She walks on water in my world, and snores in the middle of the night. We fight, bicker and call each other names, but in the end she belongs to me and I to her. Don’t stop believing my friends that love can happen. Just know it’s a hell of a lot more work then the movies sell. Life and relationships are nothing but a series of decisions that you make along the way. “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave” there is no such thing as meant to be just a decision to stay or leave.

The Man Pretty Man knows that relationships can be tough. But when you meet that special someone ups and downs don’t matter so long as you have them by your side.

Man Pretty rule #45 don't end up on cheaters

“Hold me close tiny dancer” is what I sang allowed in a starbucks line as I waited for the hostile take over of caffeine to hit my blood stream. Watched cheaters last night and though I am beginning to question the authenticity of any reality show something hit me. Ready here it comes… if you don’t put the time in they will cheat! If you are not there for them, they will find someone else who will.

Men to often we act like neutered dogs once we get in a serious relationship, replacing the fun and excitement of dating with the stay in and watch TV life style.
So often we fool the ladies we court by trying to present them a life style and romance we have no intention of keeping up. It’s a sort of a show them a good time until they’re hooked and then replace it with staying in to watch a movie followed with predictable sex duping.
In turn the relationship becomes predictable and boring and soon both of you are window-shopping for something to bring back the rush IE your co-worker or newly found friend.

Keep it fresh my friends, this dos not mean breaking your bank account or getting your nipple pierced, unless you’re into that shit. No instead I would suggest making one night a week date night. That’s it pretty simple. Go out and take a cooking class together, learn how to snowboard or just try a new restaurant. Do something that gets you both out of the house and is amusing. All to often we race through life not spending time that counts with our teammate. To often we allow work to be the only conversation, and confuse the three minutes before bed and substantial quality time. Its not, and if you forget about her, sooner or later she will forget about you.

We all have schedules that make the very idea of adding one more thing crippling to our sanity, but trust me it’s a lot easier on the esteem then hiring cheaters!!!

The Man Pretty Man knows that cornerstone of any great relationship is keeping date night alive. Oh yeah and keep the sex fresh!

Man Pretty rule #117 Be bigger then temptation

I ate too many freezies this morning and my stomach hurts. I’m not sure if my headache is from too much sugar or sleeping with my blackberry on my pillow again. I’m going to give it my best shot here but keep in mind… I’m not a very good writer!

I don’t like to sugar-coat things and I like to use the word f*#k. My girlfriend however, reminds me that the f-bomb is for people who don’t have anything else to say, and that a classy man such as myself can do better. So the story continues... Couldn’t write for a week - too much on my mind. However in a coffee shop in a town I have never called home, lyrics from a beetles song brought me back to paper (well, actually a laptop - sometimes facts are not as important as a good story). I don’t remember the song but I’m sure I could whistle the tune. The point? Not really sure there was one, but here I go anyway. Everything in life is a choice. Temptation is everywhere and so to is the opposite which I’m sure sounds like boredom but really it's not.

This goes out to all those guys out there and maybe even the ladies too. If you love someone, really love someone, then love them all the way. None of this half in the boat shit alright. Be there for them when they need you the most, love them as you would want to be loved. I’m not talking about your friend with benefits here or the one you crush on, this one is like an REM song and goes out to the one I love, or the one you love - it's your blog too.

In the cereal aisle of life sometimes it can be distracting and tempting to look at all the different flavours and shiny packages available. Truth is, most of those cereals especially the ones with the most eye catching packaging are high in calories and not very good for you, unless you are just after a good sugar crash. No, what you want and need is something that is part of a complete breakfast and gets your morning or late night snack done right.

The Man Pretty Man knows that you’re the boss applesauce and it is up to you to be faithful and true to your teammate. Love someone all the way and maybe a little bit more!!!

Man Pretty rule #89 The first drink

Season change and my favorite colour is blue, your first date is nothing but a job interview. Amazing I should have become a poet instead of a hack who writes blogs. Some will never know and the rest will live to tell the feeling of hell that only a first date can bring.
When preparing for a date, always prepare as if going to a job interview that could possible change your life. Dress, look and act the part of a man with confidence and humility, vision and humor but most importantly a team player. After all you are attempting to sell your most important commodity, your seed!
Side note, just as in the work force just because you get the job does not exclude you from the three month probation period.
Where or where do most males make the biggest mistake on that all so important job interview with sex ramifications. Silly as it may seem it actually comes from the first decision they make once in the presence of their potential suitor. The first drink, yes the first drink will unlock all the mysteries of whom you and what your represent. It shows the lady if you are a blue collar hick who spends most weekends drunk in his garage a supercilious snob or a raging metro sexual.
For example if you where to order a draft beer then that sets a totally different tone then say a glass of chardonnay. Just as ordering a Cosmo will produce a much different ring then say a vodka martini. Your first drink suggest who you are with out saying a word, it states your taste and preference in under 5 seconds.
There is no wrong answer when it comes to the question, “what can I get for you to drink sir,” it really depends on who you are and how you want to sell that pretty package called your penis. Some guys can get away with ordering girlie drinks because they can make it funny and turn it into a running joke. On the whole I would generally say the safest bet is a draft beer. If you are going to travel down this road may I suggest staying away from the usual and ordering something with distinguish and taste.
So what oh what would I order as my first drink, well that really depends on my mood however most times I will order either a Rickards white or double hypnotic on the rocks. The Rickards says acquired taste that leaves a nice taste in your mouth while the hypnotic says not afraid to stand out in a crowed!!!
Take a look at who you are and what your drink says about you. The Man Pretty man knows that everything counts in the world of dating and nothing sets the tone for what you are about like your first drink, so choose wisely.

Man Pretty rule # 44 Tip your server even if he is a Man

In the beautiful top-spinning world that we live in few things are more delightful and romantic then courting a beautiful woman to a nice restaurant. There is a certain feeling of luxury to the experience that allows your Queen to know her man is taking care of her. A dinner out is a chance to forget about the outside world and rather indulge in the lavishness of being waited on as monarch.
Gentlemen, there is just one thing I ask if you are going to pamper your lady and that is...Tip your server even if he is a man. I understand that for some of you homophobes out there still living in your parent’s basements that this may seem a bit confusing. Let me assure you that by tipping proper and that means fifteen percent, your male server is not going to perform fellatio on you. He is not an escort he is a server, he has a job and is trying to pay his bills just as you are. If you can’t afford to tip properly then may I suggest going out to a grocery store and cooking a romantic dinner at home.

I know to the morally sane this may seem absorbed to think that some one would actually not tip because of the servers gender and yet continuously douchbags across the globe over tip bar girls and under tip male servers. Why?? Because they are douchbags, but also because somehow they believe that by over tipping a women she may find him attractive and by under tipping an man they are saving money.

Side note to all douchbags out there who attend a local watering hole or restaurant on the reg. Do not get it twisted, the waitress who sits there and listens to your stories and bad jokes does not want to date you, she wants her tip. Stop buying her gifts, stop staying till close and stop trying so hard. Finally just because you are buying drinks and tipping does not give you permission to eye molest your cocktail waitress or bartender, nor does it give you permission to touch them. They are not strippers they are servers. There is no sex in the champagne room and no touching on the dinning room or bar floor.

To be Man Pretty means to be classy and appropriate in all social settings which includes tipping your server regardless or gender or cup size.

Man Pretty rule #98 dating your number!!!

Dating your Number

Evolution has provided life forms with so many great advancements, it has helped the shark have two more sense then humans, and the sea lions the ability to bend their backs to swim faster.

Man is no exception when it comes to the effects of evolution, thanks to it man now possess opposable thumbs and more remarkably an internationally recognised point system for women

As Macho and chauvinistic as this may sound, men every can look at a female and systematically evaluate and come up with a number for hotness within 5 seconds!!! To give you an idea Megan Fox would come in at a 10 while Rosanna Barr slides in at a respectable -3.

While men all across the globe know and understand the point system for women, the joke to me has always been how confused so many men are about their own value on a women’s scale (Ladies don’t act like you don’t have a scale, where do you think we got the idea from, figure skating??)

So who is to blame for the mass confusion??? Porn, yup, porn Americas favourite and most expensive past time. The geniuses behind where men spend most their down time has totally a skewed what is possible in the sex and dating world for men. Fact the more porn a male watches the more twisted his perception of his own point value on a women’s scale becomes.

So how can you tell where you actually stand on women’s point system? The easiest and most accurate way is to get your boys to give you their number for your last three girlfriends. The key here is to not have them look at your last three hooks but rather actual girlfriends, anyone can look good in the dark after a few gin and cran’s.

If you would like to move up on the scale may I suggest a few things, first finish and continue to read this blog and all the new updates, second join a gym, third buy a penis pump. I was joking about one of those things!!!!

Look we all want to date beautiful intelligent, sexy women who make us hard just by smiling. But unless you can get yourself to that level, I suggest sticking with porn. Too many dudes look at their girl and say, if she just lost 15 pounds or had bigger rack, I’d marry her all the while rocking a large spare tire, possessing a small penis and living at home with their mom.

The Man Pretty Man knows that to catch a 10 he must first become one.

Man Pretty rule # 34 Ditch the Ex!!!

Rose are red violets are blue, and exs don’t belong anywhere near you.
I don’t know how to say this with out sounding like a bad person, but there is no such things as exs that are just friends. In any friendship that exists at least one participator in the friendship has some unresolved feelings and sexual intentions.

Its not like I am breaking any codes or reviling any secrets here by once again announcing that men and women cannot be just friends, especially when it comes to exs, All guys know it and all girls pretend not to.

Having an ex in your life only signifies your inability to move on, it’s very much like a Childs comfort blanket.

In a lot of ways having a close ex is like holding onto your old car right after buying a brand new one. Sure your new car is a lot of fun and has some features that the old one doesn’t. There is just something though about your old car that is comforting and familiar. Maybe it’s the memories you shared or that old recognizable smell but its not hard to look at your old car and think about how you used to just wipe around corners in it and how if maybe you just took a little time and got ride of some the dents and rust it may just run again like it used to.

STOP!!!! Remember that old thing broke down on more then one occasion and there is a reason you went shopping for a new one. It is time to call the junk yard and to finally get ride of the bitch.

Having an ex in your life is only good for two things, not moving forward and destroying your new current relationship. The Man Pretty man knows that its always easy to look back into the past and remember the good over the Bad, but it was the bad that made him go out and buy something new!

Man Pretty rule # 56 Having something to talk about!!!

Most lipstick contains fish scales, over 2500 hundred left handed people died last year from using right handed products, and Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look a like contest and placed third.

Conversation is a corner stone to building any relationship, and having the ability to speak on many subjects is an asset. A true Man Pretty man can talk shop about any subject whether it is trickle down economics with his boss, sports with his boys and Heidi and Spencer’s latest antics with his girl.
Never underestimate the value in having celeb trash in the bathroom, audio books in the car and a biography on the nightstand. Real Man Pretty men read because education is not an option it’s your duty.

Man Pretty rule # 1 Men Don't want to be your friend, they want to sleep with you!!!

Maybe in a great magical world ruled by a great tomato king, whose only son must rise to kill an evil warlord can men and women be just friends. Actually fuck that, not even in that world.

To be Man Pretty means to be up front and clear about your intentions towards a female. It does not mean fooling some unsuspecting lady that you are interested in being just friends. Unless you are a homosexual you have no business playing this card.
Man Pretty Men don’t play the just friends game, with other motives in mind.

No! A Man Pretty Man steps up and say’s listen, "I have got this thing for you, and the hardest part of my day is trying not to fall in love with you. I don’t know what your situation is and to be honest I don’t care because I want you.

He does not hide with his penis tucked between his legs playing the guy she can turn to when she and her man fight. If you are a women reading this be very clear. MEN DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND THEY WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU.


There are very few bigger Douchbag moves then playing the just friends card. Especially since every other man can see right through your pathetic attempts. Be Man Pretty step up and be clear.

If she does not want you then move on. The Male best friend spends countless years and months as a pathetic weasel waiting for a moment of venerability. He spends endless cash on over kill gifts for birthdays, with the only gift in return, becoming a male bride’s maid.

The Man Pretty Man knows its better to be rejected and clear then end up a bride’s maid.

Man Pretty rule # 26 Starbucks is KING!!!!

Man Pretty Rule #26

There is a certain Je ne sais quoi to holding a Starbucks cup that really makes me feel like a man. The solid white on white, and brown holder presents an image of power and certainty. It tells every person in the room that, yes I am a man of distinguish and taste. It also says that regardless of the flavour of my drink, it is more important then yours and yes I am someone you want to talk to. The Man Pretty man never enters a foreign room or important meeting holding anything less then a Starbucks cup.